


Yours (if you will take all of me)

by ashcat



Category: White Collar
Genre: BDSM, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-30
Updated: 2010-09-30
Packaged: 2017-10-12 08:01:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/122685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashcat/pseuds/ashcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neal has wanted kinkier sex with Peter for some time; Peter is willing to try.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yours (if you will take all of me)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hoosierbitch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoosierbitch/gifts).



> For hoosierbitch - feel better soon! Thanks to daria234 for her advice and encouragement!

"I want to be tied up, blindfolded, and then ridden hard." Neal is glad he's not facing Peter when he says it. His voice is confident, a little husky, but he feels nervous. Peter hadn't been totally on board with the idea of rougher sex play when they discussed it before.

Peter's fingers fumble on Neal's nipple. Neal and he talked about trying different things but this is the first time Neal's been so... up front in his demands for it. Peter shifts his legs under Neal's body, imaging Neal's hands restrained. He has to admit, it's appealing

Neal arches back, holding onto Peter, but otherwise not touching him, letting Peter do what he will. It's abnormally passive for Neal; he usually hates not being the one in control (even if the other person has the illusion of control). "And now I'm thinking we have way too many clothes on and we should go to the bedroom," Neal whispers and there's where he has control: he's asking for this, he wants it.

Peter groans, his dick throbbing it's so hard. "Mmm, you really want that?" It's similar to the porn Peter watched. He'd been doing 'research' for being more adventurous with Neal. He'd had to watch straight porn with dominatrixes. The gay BDSM porn was downright frightening.

Peter bites Neal's throat gently before pushing him up. "Let's go."

Neal stumbles back up, twisting to cover the awkwardness of the movement, and walks the few steps quickly to the bed.

Peter starts removing his t-shirt and jeans in record time. "What supplies do we need?"

"Restraints. Blindfold. Anything you want to use on me once I'm blindfolded."

Peter looks at Neal. They haven't played often like this so he's going to let Neal take the lead. The slide of cloth as he takes off his clothes is a terrible tease. Peter doesn't move to touch himself though, just stands there, uncertain.

"What?" Neal pauses in unzipping his pants.

Peter shrugs, feeling his cheeks trying to heat. "This is still new to me."

Neal smiles and reaches under his bed for his toy box. "What do you need help with?" He  
asks, in that tone that means he's trying to be patient.

Peter gets the lube and pulls the comforter off the bed. "Lay out what you want me to use to bind you and I'll pick the toys."

Neal pulls out the rope and shifts around the toys, moving some of his favorites towards the top.

"Lay down on your back." Peter lets that authoritative tone creep into his voice, the one Neal always responds to whether they are in the office or the bedroom

Neal shivers, the tone stirring submissive feelings in him.

Peter is nervous and excited. It's an odd feeling; sex with Elizabeth is familiar. Vanilla sex with Neal has been for some time too, but he's never felt this uncertain. Man or woman, he knew what to expect long before Neal and Elizabeth; here, he can see the vague layout of where they're going, but he's going to have to let Neal lead them.

Neal stretches out on the bed obediently, smiling wickedly at Peter and then looking pointedly at the bindings.

Peter moves closer to the bed so he can reach out and smooth back Neal's hair. "Anything you don't like or doesn't feel right, you tell me. We'll stop. No questions asked. Same goes for me too."

"Great. Now tie me up?" Neal's been waiting for this all week, finds himself hoping Peter will jump right in and take care of him.

"Patience. We have all night." Peter picks up the rope. His boy scout days are coming in handy. If only Mr. Nelson knew what Peter was using that rope merit badge for. "Arms over your head."

Neal puts his hands over his head. He smiles at Peter reassuringly, feeling grateful that he has Peter tonight. He needs this.

Peter crosses Neal's hands at the wrist. He wraps the rope around them carefully, making sure to leave slack so Neal doesn't hurt himself if he struggles. He ties it into a knot and smiles at his handiwork. The black rope looks beautiful against Neal's pale skin.

"Feel secure? No pinching?"

Neal tugs at the ropes. He could get out of them if he wanted, but that's not the point. "They're fine. I'll let you know if they're not."

Peter picks up the blindfold. He helps Neal sit up and wraps it around his head, tying it loosely. He helps ease Neal back down. "That feel okay?"

Peter's gentle, cautious touch is not what Neal needs tonight. "You could tie it a little tighter."

Peter runs a finger around the edge. "I don't want it to pull on your hair."

"What if I want it to pull on my hair?" Neal had been explicit with Peter when they discussed this. He enjoys pain.

Peter wants to be completely in control of what hurts Neal. "I don't want to pull your hair. I'll make sure you're hurting elsewhere." Peter runs a hand across Neal's smooth side, all sleek muscle and bone. "If you need to cry, I want to know about it."

"Does crying mean we have to stop? I mean... if we have to take a break, fine, but no stopping because of that, okay?" Neal knew he'd regret confessing that sometimes he loses control of his emotions during sex like this.

"Let's evaluate at the moment but it doesn't automatically mean stop."

"Anything else?"

Peter walks over to the toy box. He smiles on seeing that Neal has pushed all the painful toys to the top. He grabs the big butt plug and one of the medium sized vibrators. "Anything you want me to do?"

"Surprise me."

Peter laughs." I want you to lick your fingertips and pinch your nipples."

Neal shifts his hands around in the rope, bending his arms so he can lick his fingers as best he can. "Mmm. That sounds like a very good start." Neal flicks his eyes up at Peter, making a show of getting his fingers wet.

"I want you to come as many times as you can. I love seeing how amazing your body is." Neal feels his pulse speed up; Peter is going to push him, see how much he can take. Is going to watch Neal come up against his limits, is going to be the one to push him there.

Peter spreads Neal's legs wide before sitting between his thighs.

He takes a moment to stroke himself. Watches as Neal, spread open and vulnerable before him, pinches one of his own nipples- he can't reach both at the same time.

Neal shifts, wondering what Peter is doing. It's silent and all he can feel is shifting on the bed.

"Are you pinching your nipples hard?" The black rope around Neal's wrist hampers his normally deft hands, forcing him into awkward movements, makes Neal clumsy.

"Of course." Neal can't twist very hard, but he can dig his nails into it and drag it out from his chest. It feels good, but when he exaggerates the movement, it's for Peter's sake, so Peter can watch his nipple stretch from his chest, watch what it does to Neal to have these tiny bites of pain.

"Fuck, you're gorgeous like that," Peter says softly, pulling on his reviving cock.

Neal plays hard with that nipple. Without being able to twist, it's not as satisfying, so he has to work it. But his other nipple is neglected. He groans. It's almost worse than Peter teasing him, being made to tease himself.

Peter lubes up two fingers and pushes them in. Neal is as tight as ever so he works them in, pushing slowly in and out. "Relax..."

Neal tries, but it's like the tension in his shoulders from the awkward twist keep his whole body tense. He takes a deep breath.

Peter feels Neal tense even more. He pulls his fingers out. "What's wrong?"

Neal shifts. "Not wrong just- awkward." He laughs a little. "Keep going, I'll figure it out."

"You have nipple clamps?"

"Several."

"Okay, then just relax, stroke your cock while I find some."

Neal brings his hands down to his cock and grasps it awkwardly with one hand. He can turn the other over to cup himself between both, but it'll be loose; unsatisfying. He tries to find a rhythm, but that second hand attached keeps messing him up, keeps jostling the first wrist so bad he had to adjust his grip and start again.

Peter digs in Neal's toy chest. He immediately discards the clover clamps and finally finds a pair of adjustable ones. Peter walks back over and smiles at Neal's awkward movements. "Arms back up"

Neal stops moving with his cock between the back of his hands, thrusts once more with them like that- fuck, he should've tried that, that might have been better, it's almost cruel he just figured that out as soon as Peter told him to stop- and then puts his hands back over his head.

Peter gives Neal a swift slap to his thigh for dawdling then carefully puts on the clamps. He screws each tight until he can see it pinching. "Enough?"

"More, please."

Peter tightens them and pauses.

"Keep going?" It's starting to pinch and that's good, but it doesn't hurt nearly enough.

Peter turns once more and stops.

Neal has to stop himself before he sighs in exasperation. Peter alternately treats him like he's indestructible and made of glass.

Peter leans down to kiss Neal deeply, tugging on the chain between the clamps.

Neal arches up towards the chain, but it's not enough, so he pulls himself back, trying to get more, trying to yank down so his nipples feel like bursts of pain. He keeps his lips pressed to Peter's the whole time.

Peter pulls the chain harder, pulling back to see them stretch. He takes a moment to lick the hollow of Neal's throat.

Neal's wrists jerk against the rope when Peter finally gets it and pulls on the clamps. Fuck, that's good. His body arches in pleasure of its own accord.

The clamps start slipping, one faster than the other, one pinching almost too hard, the other too little. Neal whimpers, pressing one shoulder forward, asking for Peter to take care of it.

Peter repositions them and gives them another half turn. "Still okay?"

"Better," Neal whispers hoarsely. It's going to be a deliciously long night.

Peter kisses him again, tugging on the chain before he returns to the spot between  
Neal's legs.

He drags his fingers along Neal's rim and then presses his fingers back in without adding more lube.

Neal groans, a long and quiet sound that stretches out as Peter's fingers keep pushing. It's pretty dry, but it doesn't hurt. Yet. His breath hitches at the thought.

Peter smiles; Neal is looser now. He spreads his fingers. "One day, I'm going to work you open so that you can take my dick nearly dry." Peter pulls his fingers out and opens the lube to coat the big plug.

Neal shifts his legs farther apart until he can feel the strain in his thighs." Yes," he says simply. Definitely. He hears the lube cap and frowns. "No more of that today, though, I guess?"

"I've other plans for you right now." Peter presses the blunt, slick end of the silicone dildo against Neal's entrance and starts working it slowly in. Neal is nowhere near stretched enough for the widest part so he pushes it in until he hits resistance then starts twisting it back and forth, pressing it slowly deeper despite Neal's body protests.

Neal can't help but pull away from the wide plug pushing into him, but he keeps the smile on his face, letting Peter know he's enjoying this, that just because his body makes him pull away doesn't mean he doesn't trust Peter to know what he can take.

It stretches him wide and in between flinches backward, he pushes down on it, begging for more.

Peter rests a hand on Neal's trembling thigh. "Too much?"

Neal shakes his head. "Almost. But no. Please don't stop." He doesn't know if he could take it if Peter stopped, took away that pressure inside him that's brushing up against his prostate with every jostle and twist.

Peter changes positions and lets Neal's body push some of the plug out in the process.

He thrusts it back into where it was, even as Neal jerks back. It's disconcerting seeing Neal flinch and then come back for more. Peter tries to roll with it. He leans down so he can suck the head of Neal's cock while he keeps twisting his way in.

Neal whimpers. He can't see what Peter is about to do next, can't brace against flinching, but Peter sees it, sees when Neal has to work to take something, and he keeps going, gives Neal more. "Thank you," he whispers throatily, knowing Peter will think he's just grateful for the mouth on him, finally something other than his fumbling fingers on his cock.

Peter sucks Neal hard, lapping at the freely flowing precome. He pushes harder on the plug; it's almost to the widest part. He pauses to run his index finger around Neal's stretched rim. It feels so taunt. He nearly has to rut against the bed at the thought of how taunt and strained it'll be when it's taking his fist.

Neal shivers, trying to hold himself still for that final push. He doesn't think he can. He is hurting now and it'll be fine when the plug is in, but he doesn't think he can take it. Neal pants, trying to relax, to lie right where he is and let Peter take care of him.

Peter strokes Neal's thigh, pulling off his cock. "You're shaking. Too much?"

"No. No, this is amazing. I just- don't be too disappointed if I can't get that in." Neal pushes down onto the plug again, but the motion doesn't push it farther in, just butts it more firmly into Peter's hand. "But please try?"

Peter frowns. "No." He isn't interested in hurting Neal like that. He eases it out; then rubs his fingers gently around Neal's rim as it tries to shrink back.

Neal whimpers. "Peter." Peter's fingers feel good, help sooth him. Peter might be right to stop, but Neal needs something, doens't want to stop.

"Shhh. I'm taking care of you. Relax." Peter rubs his two fingers in Neal, circling, feeling for damage, and then rubbing his prostate again.

Neal bucks against Peter's fingers and relaxes. It's both easier and harder to relax when he's blindfolded- when Peter isn't doing anything, he can't help but tense. But now that he is- Neal melts onto the bed, only his hips moving, rising in lazy stutters.

Peter smiles. "That's it, just like that." Peter presses firmly on Neal's hard and swollen prostate. He leans down to suck Neal's cock, letting Neal's ridge catch on his teeth.

Neal's hips pull off the bed towards Peter's mouth. He doesn't know as though he's ever had sex this... calm. Languid. Maybe because he's tired, maybe because he's blindfolded, but he finds it pleasurable now.

Peter laps firmly at Neal's cock before adding a third finger. It's so dry it catches a little going in, but Peter manages it.

Neal brings his hands down to his chest to tug at the clamps, making a show of it more than trying to please himself, so if Peter is looking he can see him playing with himself. He makes no effort to be quiet or subtle.

Peter groans around Neal's cock when he looks up to see Neal teasing himself, his nipples turning red. He lets Neal's cock bump his teeth, thrusting his fingers into Neal roughly.

If Neal doesn't come soon, Peter won't make it to fucking him. Neal isn't normally so slow in hitting his first orgasm. Peter isn't sure what to try to get him off faster.

For some reason, being blindfolded always makes Neal silent. Which could be so much better if- "You know, when we get used to doing this kind of thing? You could gag me." His cock twitches in Peter's mouth.

Peter pulls off Neal's cock. Peter loves the noises Neal makes. "No. Wanna hear you. Make some noises, my cock is so ready it needs that."

Neal grins. "I'd still be able to make noises through a gag. Still be able to make words a little. I think you'd like it."

"Mmm we'll see."

"But?" Neal asks with concern, raising his head like he can look down his body that way  
even though all he can see is the barest sliver of light down where his nose tents the fabric.

"You're... nowhere near coming. You're going to outlast me." Peter thinks that maybe he's the impatient one tonight.

A single, quiet, 'ha,' escapes Neal before he can reduce his laugh to a smile. "I'm tired. I've been busy all day. I'll get there."

"Good." Peter nips at Neal's cock, dragging his teeth over the sensitive head as a tease.

Neal jumps at the slight pain, moaning softly. He thrusts up towards Peter's mouth, wanting more.

"I..." It's easier to say without being able to see Peter's face, but he wishes he could, "never thought you'd agree to doing this with me." The pain and pleasure both feel better with Peter than with anyone else, but he knows Peter wouldn't believe that, so he doesn't mention it. There are lots of things Neal doesn't mention, things that aren't for him to ask. Peter isn't his to say things like that to.

"Glad you asked," Peter says quietly.

He removes his fingers and grabs the vibrator. He strokes it slowly in and out of Neal, pressing it in deep. It's not as long or wide as Peters cock though. He settles it close to Neal's prostate and turns it on low.

"Hold it in," he says as he takes the chain from Neal's clumsy fingers, tugs on his lovely nipples.

Neal clenches around it and those vibrations seem to grow stronger as he holds it tighter, pressing right up against his spot. His body shakes from the stimulation, harder when Peter tugs on his nipples. Peter is going to leave his cock entirely alone...

Suddenly, Neal wants touch there more than anything, is aware of the cool air on it, the precome coating it and making the air seem colder. He forcibly holds his hips still; he wants to keep the vibrator in, no matter what, no matter how desperate he gets.

Neal's needy movements nearly make Peter give up his resolve. Fuck, he badly wants to be buried in Neal. He pulls more, Neal's nipples straining, turning redder every time he lets them relax. He reaches down to stroke the vibrator in and out before leaving it alone again.

Neal feels relieved when he feels Peter shift on the bed, reaching down his body- to grab the vibrator. Then he teases Neal with it so briefly it's cruel. And still, no touch to his cock. Everywhere on his body is throbbing, his nipples in pain, his cock in need, his ass with the vibrator. "Peter. Peter, touch me."

"I am," Peter says, massaging Neal's thigh as he goes back to thrusting the vibrator.

"No, I mean- please." Neal's cock, hard and dripping and just standing there without any touch and Peter has to know what he means.

Peter grins evilly. Seeing Neal have to ask, to almost beg, is pretty, heady- arousing. He moves his hand so he can trace Neal's rim, start pressing a finger in with the vibrator. "Like this?" He watches Neal's cock twitch, slick with fluid and nearly purple in its desperation.

Neal loses his breath when Peter's finger slides alongside the vibrator. When he gets his wind back, he manages a chocked, "No." His cock aches.

Peter pulls his finger out. He fondled Neal's balls "Here?"

Neal finally catches on that Peter is mocking him. It wouldn't have taken him so long if he could've seen Peter's face. He growls, "No."

Peter laughs as he grabs Neal's cock and squeezes, jacking it hard and fast with just Neal's precome to slick the way while pressing the vibe in deep.

Neal lets out a startled yelp and then snaps his jaw shut, digging his teeth into his bottom lip. He keeps turning his head back and forth, trying to bear the onslaught of pleasure, the blind fold sliding back and forth across his face- too much, way too much, too sudden- and in seconds he's coming, barely feeling the explosion of pleasure under the vibrations and Peter's hands and the throbbing in his nipples.

Peter slowly works Neal's cock through his orgasm, grinning proudly. Making Neal lose just that much more of his control is immensely satisfying.

Neal sags back against the bed and releases his lip. He didn't bite it bloody; good. He lies there and gulps in air.

Peter slides the vibe out, turning it off. "You liked that?"

"Uh-huh."

Neal manages a grin with open lips, still dragging in air, "And you're going to make me come again, aren't you?"

"Of course, with you watching." Peter strokes Neal's inner thigh, pausing to dig his short nails into the tender flesh.

Neal, partly to make a point, pushes his head back onto the pillow and then slides down a little. He doesn't manage to get it all the way off, but he does blink up at Peter with a smug grin on his face, the blindfold half up onto his forehead.

Peter laughs. He gets up, his cock hard and aching, and walks to the bathroom. He comes back with a warm wash cloth to clean up Neal's come and to sooth his nipples. Peter unscrews the clamps after washing Neal, laying the warm cloth against them.

"You sure you want more?" Peter asks as he unties the blindfold and then starts on Neal's hands.

Neal pants from the pain of blood flooding back to his nipples that not even the wet cloth diminshes and lowers his arms that were just beginning to get sore. "Is that a rhetorical question?"

Peter leans down to kiss Neal gently. He sits up so Neal can see his straining erection.  
"I had other plans but you were tired to start with." Peter starts rubbing Neal's wrist.

"No, I mean- I do want more." Neal smiles, uncurling his stiff fingers. "Give me a minute, though," he says, even though he wants more now; he's figuring out he needs to let Peter take care of him if he wants anything harder.

"Sure." Peter kisses Neal's fingertips then starts rubbing his other wrist.

"Mmmm, feels good." Neal lets his eyes slide shut while Peter takes care of him.

Peter moves the cooling wash cloth. "Your nipples okay?" Peter kisses them gently.

"Mmmhmm. They're more durable than you'd think." Not that the washcloth isn't nice.

Peter feels unbelievably turned on. Neal coming so hard that he's pliant and calm, without complaint. He strokes himself and moans, eyes sliding shut. "Need you," Peter whispers, his cock throbbing in his hand.

"Then have me." Neal opens his eyes and smiles a small, genuine smile at Peter.

Peter moves so he can lie between Neal's thighs. He puts more lube on his dick, moaning, then lines himself up. He looks up at Neal, holds his eyes as he slowly pushes in.

Neal's body is completely, liquidly relaxed and accepts Peter almost easily. Neal smiles the whole time, staring into Peter's eyes as he slides in.

Peter can't believe how easily he's penetrating Neal. This feels amazing. He groans as he bottoms out. No way to get that bit deeper without bending Neal about and he's not willing to do that just yet.

He hovers over Neal, bending down to kiss Neal deeply.

"Mmmm." Neal wraps his arms around Peter and kisses him back sloppily. He is a little tired. Peter's ideas might have to wait. There's a first, Peter having more energy for sex than he does.

Peter sets a slow pace. Neal is loose and relaxed. Normally, it's a challenge between how big his cock is verses how tight Neal is.

He lowers himself down onto Neal slowly. "This okay?"

Neal tightens his muscles around Peter's cock. "I'm good. But you look like you're just teasing yourself."

"Savoring it. It feels different." Peter lets Neal hold more of his weight as he kisses Neal deeply.

"I usually am a bit wild, aren't I?" Neal grins." Guess that's the secret. Once you tire me out some, I've got patience." He slides his arms more around Peter, loving the press of Peter's chest to his.

Peter moans, kissing Neal sloppily. His hips pick up some speed. He can't help it. Neal feels amazing.

Neal grins, feeling Peter thrust into him, nudging his prostate. But it's Peter's face that has him happy: the look like Peter found some whole new level of pleasure. Neal holds onto his sweaty back, occasionally raising his hips to meet Peter's.

Peter has to pull back a minute. He can't get a full breath as he was lying. "Fuck," Peter groans as he shifts Neal's leg, gets that little bit deeper. "You are one of the only people I've been with who enjoy my cock in deep." Elizabeth hates it- something about him hitting something uncomfortable. Past lovers didn't like how stretched they needed to be and how Peter's girth still pressed too much. Neal enjoys it, begs for it, makes Peter feel like he can fuck him deep and have them both enjoy it.

Neal moves his leg with Peter's hand, tilting his hips too so Peter can go deeper yet. If Peter doesn't know, he won't explain to Peter that when he's not careful, having him deep hurts. And Neal likes it that way. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"So good," Peter groans. He presses in until he bottoms out, holding it before grinding.

Neal moans, finally stating to get hard again. He reaches up to draw his hands across  
Peter's chest and toy with his nipples.

Peter cries out softly. He thrusts into Neal harder, making sure he bottoms out each time. Oh god, normally Neal wouldn't stand for sex this slow but he's all limp and tired out, gorgeous beneath him.

Neal draws a hand up to smooth the sweaty hair back from his eyes so he can see Peter's face better as he gets closer. Neal gets hard again like that, Peter moving in him as deep as he'll go and watching Peter's face clench in pleasure.

Peter feels something poking his stomach and he looks down, grins seeing Neal's erection. "Mmmm," he says softly, looking up at Neal with lust.

Neal chuckles, wrapping his arms around Peter to pull him back flush against him.

Peter thrusts a few more times before he pauses, sitting back. He looks at Neal, sweaty and disheveled, cock proudly standing up from his body. Looks at where their bodies meet. Neal is still so relaxed, and hard. It's a combination he never gets to have. He takes his time to admire it: Neal's steady breathing, his leaking cock, his mostly still body, his silent mouth, his lustful gaze, his hole clenched around Peter. Takes it in, because he's never seen this before.

"You're stopping now?"

Peter runs his finger around Neal's rim, pressing on it. "No." He looks up at Neal, questioning him silently.

Neal props himself up on his elbows and looks from Peter to Peter's finger. "How many do you think would fit? I'm guessing two."

Peter groans, his cock jumping within Neal. "Can I?"

"Yes. Come on, no teasing." Neal grins, body still relaxed even as he feels the tension from his cock spread to every muscle in his body.

Peter grabs the lube and squirts out a bit onto his fingers, fumbling a bit in his excitement. He eases his finger in on the next thrust with a grunt. Wow, even with how much he'd loosened Neal up, he's squeezing Peters cock along his finger, full with just that little bit extra, tight around both.

Neal lets his head fall back so he can manage the sensations with whatever expression he pleases, hoping he won't have to fight back tears.

"Mmm." He feels full. Peter's cock always makes him feel full, but now, with that finger, it's the only thing he can think about, how stretched and stuffed he feels. Neal shifts to free an arm so he can stroke his cock.

Peter groans. Neal is touching himself. Peter is stretching him uncomfortably full and he's touching himself. He wants to thrust roughly he's so turned on, but he has to be careful right now. He's been hard for so long his balls ache.

Neal loses his breath, his rhythm, when he feels Peter's finger. He tries to relax more, but he's as relaxed as he can get- it's up to his body and Peter's determination whether he can take another finger. But he wants it. "Please," Neal begs softly.

Peter looks up. "Too much?" Peter stills his hips.

"If you stop, I will kill you." Neal squeezes down on Peter's cock and releases it. "Please?"

"You want more?"

"I want to try for more, yeah." He swallows and watches Peter squeezing out the lube.

"If I do this, will it make you cry?" Peter carefully doesn't look at Neal when he asks. He lines up a second finger.

"I... don't know." Shit. Right. The tears thing. Peter seriously needs to stop treating Neal like a girl .

"Tell me to stop if it's too much. Cry if you need to cry."

Neal melts back onto the bed. Not a deal breaker. "Okay," he agrees, delighted. He thought Peter's 'maybe' might have been the end of this attempt.

Peter feels better about what he said when he feels Neal relax. He smears lube all around Neal's rim before he starts trying to work two fingers into Neal. Oh god. It's so fucking tight it's like having sex with a nervous virgin. Neal is even trembling, adding to the illusion. Peter goes as slow as he can, groaning and gasping as his cock gets squeezed.

Neal isn't aware anymore of the sounds pouring out of his mouth, just that they hurt his throat but not nearly as much as his overstretched rim hurts. Peter's huge cock and two fingers and he feels so amazingly full, more than he thought he ever could. He's too shaky to reach down and touch his cock, but he would, he'd jack off to this sensation, come in seconds- and clamp down as he came. He feels his cock throb harder at the thought, of tightening around Peter and being unable to stop.

Peter gets his fingers in but it's too tight to thrust. Neal is literally so stretched that Peter is afraid he'd tear if he moves. It's almost painful on his cock; he can't imagine what Neal's feeling. God the noises he's making might wake the house but he can't make himself shush him.

Neal's eyes prickle with tears and they spill over in seconds. He's so glad Peter isn't going to stop, that he can cry because he can't give this up but he can't hold back the tears either.

Exquisite. Neal too far gone to stop his babbling and moaning, to even retrain it a little. Fuck - and to think of the other people who have seen this. When Neal wasn't his. Peter rocks the tiniest amount in Neal before reaching for his wet, straining cock.

Neal chokes off the scream before it gets too loud. He feels that slight movement through his entire body, radiating in small tremors. And he'd thought Peter's hands were both occupied, had no idea Peter was about to grab him just right, touch him like that. Neal raises a hand over his mouth to try to quiet himself as he whimpers and sobs.

Peter groans. So close to coming that he's on edge and in pain himself as Neal tightens. Now this, this is more than Peter's ever felt before. He strokes Neal's cock, a fast pace but not squeezing it. He rocks his hips in tiny strokes when Neal relaxes again, still blown away by how fucking tight this is. The noises Neal makes are unlike anything Peter's heard from him before.

It's like Peter is torturing him with pleasure.

Neal is so focused on, so overwhelmed by the sensation in his rim, in his hole, that Peter's touch is too much, sens him over the edge, has him coming seconds. He shakes harder through his orgasm and clamps down on Peter's fingers and cock.

Peter barely quiets the yell when he comes. Neal clamping down, nearly strangling his dick. He rocks, come dribbling out as fast as he spurts with Neal too full to take any more. Peter grips Neal's cock hard as it jerks in his hand.

Neal collapses back on the bed before he's even done coming. When Peter doesn't move right that second, he whimpers, "Move."

Peter carefully pulls out, releasing Neal's dick. He lays down beside him, his own hand shaking as he reaches to pull Neal to him.

Neal lets Peter pull him close, but otherwise remains still- he can feel every movement in his rim, making it twinge. Too much. That was too much. He overestimated himself, his limits. He presses his face against Peter's neck and can't be bothered to hide the fact that he's crying.

Peter wipes his hands on the sheets and then rubs little circles on Neal's back, holding him close. He lets Neal cry, trying to gather his own wits. He makes the same soft comforting noises he does for Elizabeth when she's overwrought.

Neal doesn't get a hold of himself for long minutes. When he does, he mumbles, "Sorry" against Peter's skin, tears still sliding down his face.

Peter runs his fingers lightly through Neal's hair." Shhh." Peter keeps rubbing Neal's back.

"I... probably should've had you stick with the one." Neal lays a kiss on the skin under his mouth. Whoops. He never did this with any of his past partners, wildly overestimating what he can do. But then, he hadn't wanted to impress them.

"Yeah. I think so." Peter holds Neal close but gently like he's fragile, breakable. "Do you think you're hurt?"

"I think I'm really sore. But I doubt there's anything wrong."

"I'll check after we get you cleaned up." Peter feels shaken. He'd handled Neal's tears, but Neal saying Peter went too far, that he can't trust Neal's judgment, that is too much.

"You want to soak in the tub?"

Neal shakes his head. "Don't want to move."

Peter kisses Neal's forehead, his temple. "I'm sorry. I hurt you and I never wanted to do that."

"Don't be stupid. I hurt myself. You were an unwitting accomplice."

Peter gets up, feeling guilty all the same. "I'll take care of everything. Don't move."

Neal snorts, thinking that last order was unnecessary; the tiny resulting movement hurts enough to convince him if he had any doubts. He lies there, thinking, well, fuck. They're never going to do anything this fun again.

Peter gathers supplies. He comes back by Neal's side. "Do you need me to help you sit up to drink?"

Well, that sounds pathetic. Neal moves to sit up and the sound that comes out of his mouth is even more pathetic.

Peter wraps an arm around him, helping support Neal's weight. "You sure you're not hurt?"

"Yes. It'll die down in a few minutes. I'm just really sore." He'll probably still feel it tomorrow, too, but he should be able to move like a human being by then.

"I brought you some ibuprofen." Peter feels jittery. He isn't always the best at comfort.

"Thanks." Neal twists the water bottle cap. It takes him a few seconds to realize it's the type you pull on instead. Okay. Maybe he's pretty bad. He pulls on the top and it comes up easily.

Peter gives him the tablets, but can do much else but worry.

Neal takes the pills without complaint. He drinks a good gulp of water and hands the bottle back to Peter.

Peter puts it on the night stand then lowers Neal back down gently. He starts washing him with a warm washcloth, as carefully as he bathed Elizabeth after she came home from a stay in the hospital.

Neal closes his eyes initially in an attempt to relax, but he cracks one open to glare at  
Peter. "I'm really that pathetic right now?"

"No," Peter says quietly, washing along Neal's chest after doing his face and neck. The tear tracks on Neal's face tug at Peter's heart, remind him that he caused this.

Neal sighs. The agonizing pain is already lessening. He still feels it whenever he shifts, but it's not that bad anymore, definitely not worth the expression Peter's wearing.

"Hey." Neal catches Peter's hand. "I'm okay."

"You're hurt." Peter waits for Neal to drop his hand so he can finish with Neal's crotch.

"That too." Neal squeezes Peter's hand.

"I hurt you." Peter's job is to protect Neal, not be what he needs protection from.

"Because I told you too. And gave you no reason to think it would hurt me. Because I didn't know either."

"I don't know if I can do this again."

Neal drops Peter's hand and tries not to look too upset.

Peter goes back to washing Neal, down his thighs and his feet. "Can you turn over?"

Neal's feeling just good enough that he manages out of pure stubbornness to turn over without making more than a couple of small, involuntary noises.

Peter balks at how stiff Neal is. He's in a lot if pain. He starts with Neal's neck and works his way down Neal's muscular back, over his butt cheeks and down to his feet. Peter kisses Neal's ankle. "Can I look?"

Relaxed, Neal merely makes a content, "Mmm." When he's not moving, the throb is almost pleasant.

Peter spreads Neal's cheeks gingerly. His heart drops when he sees how red and swollen Neal is. It looks so painful. Peter runs the washcloth over him so lightly that it takes a couple of swipes.

Neal manages to stay still, but can't help thinking he needs new, softer washcloths. "Okay?"

Peter kisses Neal's butt cheek before replying. "It looks swollen and red but no blood." At least there's that.

"Mmm. Come lie back down."

Peter tosses the cloth towards the bathroom door and then stretches out gingerly beside Neal, on his back. "How do you want me?"

Neal picks himself up and lays his head on Peter's chest. "Just like this."

Peter wraps an arm around Neal loosely, running his fingertips along Neal's shoulders and back. "How are you feeling now?"

"Better. And sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"Don't apologize. It's fine."

"Mmmm." Neal snuggles against Peter's hair chest. His eyes slide closed almost of their own accord; it's been a long day.

Peter frets. There has to be some way to give Neal what he needs and not hurt him too badly in the process. Surely Neal has managed to balance that with others before?

He is certain however, that he doesn't want anyone else to see his Neal like that. No way can he handle the thoughts of Neal giving himself away like this to others. They will have to work out a way that they can all be a family.

Peter thinks about how to broach the subject with Elizabeth until he falls asleep.


End file.
